In 30 min or less – purpose, life, struggle with agenda

I set the timer and put aside my slave driver hat. Both for my benefit and my kids’. Life is just to short to stress, drive, push, argue, finagle, (you know the drill). I am such a task oriented personality that it is one of the hardest things for me to remember life is not about a list! Life is not about chores! Life is not about meeting a goal or even completing everything on the homeschool agenda.

Our created purpose is to be an ambassador of Christ. Christian or little Christ.

Often times I put that hat on at church or Bible study. When I get in the car to go home I rip it off and stuff back on my slave hat. Slave to the agenda of raising an all American family. Slave to my ideas, dreams and many times, with a large family, the necessities.

I struggled with this last week praying, pleading and trying to get my priorities into perspective. I had to pep talk myself into remembering that there are seasons where we are more capable than others. Pregnancy is not a particularly capable season. Neither is raising a two-year old, nor a three-year old. When I decided to homeschool my kids I knew I’d need to set aside more of the “necessities” to do that. Yet, I never lowered my standard. I never let myself be truly okay with the extra chaos of school deadlines, potty training and plain ol’ tired mom, necessitate.

I blew it. I told myself I could and SHOULD still do it all.

Why? Because I value accomplishment and follow through. I despise laziness and things left undone.

But then I found myself pondering, what does God value?

Dishes done? Kids on pace with the local school? Floors mopped? Dinner on?

Above all, God created us for relationship. He created us to reflect his nature. And He, all powerful, having everything, knowing everything, desired US!

The more I have on my list, the less I am in meaningful relationships with others. Sadly, this always begins with God, then I alienate my husband and fight with my kids to “get it done” (whatever IT is for the moment) and of course when the house is out of order and my list is getting longer I don’t have time for others.

So after a real live baby fit and a horrendous melt down which I won’t even try to explain. YUCK! I came to the conclusion that I NEED to stop robbing my friends of the blessing of helping me. I need to lay off my husband because he cannot right all wrongs or be expected to “fix” me. And I want to enjoy my kids even if it means putting school aside, inviting them all up to my bed and spending a day reading and coloring. With an overactive personality like mine we are not in danger of living in filth and becoming illiterate. But if I don’t slow down, invite some girls over to fold laundry and drink tea while our kids play and just revel in the simpler things of life I AM in danger of being too overwhelmed, sick or blinded to the purpose of this blessed life I’ve been granted.

Purpose to do what is lasting.

Passion to see the hope in my future without a selfish agenda.

Strength to cling to the promises of the Father and raise my children to fight this same battle in the future with weapons of faith and love.

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10 Comments

Filed under Faith First, Motherhood Uncensored

10 responses to “In 30 min or less – purpose, life, struggle with agenda

  1. Jo Kime

    Love you Jess….that is very awesome!! ❤ XOXO

  2. Yay, I found you back!! Love it…it is everything I thought it would be and more. Praying for you as you go through this season and learn to let go and let others in. Excited to get to know you more through your writing!

  3. I could have written this years ago. 🙂 I, too, valued those characteristics of diligence and orderliness, but at the wrong cost. My sixth child was followed by three moves and cancer. I daily had to make the choice of how to best spend the energy and strength I had for that day.

    I learned that towels not folded perfectly, and not put in the cabinet with the fold out with no two similar colors touching, still dried people off when they got out of the shower. I learned that if I have to shove things off the couch when someone drops by, it only affects the fellowship if I let it.

    Yes, still teach your children to pick up after themselves. Still have a desire for order, this is good. This is right. But perfection isn’t going to happen. (Just warnin’ ya’, but especially when the kids start taking over some of the household chores. But, that’s another blog.)

    I love your heart for the Lord and seeking Him in all these things. It’s one of those things nobody but the Lord can explain to us, and nobody but the Lord can change our hearts. I still LOVE, LOVE, LOVE a clean house, but I play more, I read with kids more, I take more walks, I live more. May the Lord continue to bless you and speak to you as you desire to be more perfectly formed into His image.

    • Thank you Mindy, your 2nd paragraph made me laugh outloud. And yes, it is a daily struggle and prayer of mine, “Okay Lord, what next? What matters today?” Most of the time it doesn’t include grand projects or scrubbing toilets. It’s simple, sweet, and in some ways uneventful but I NEED to remember how quickly it is all gone. I have some dear dear friends who are pitching in as they can to get me over the hump. A little laundry here, dishes done there and fellowship, so I am blessed!

      Hey, I’ve been wanting to ask you where you go to church. I think my brother just moved by you. You can email. 🙂

  4. Pingback: Slowing down giving myself grace « Blog Schmog

  5. This post made me think, it made me pray, it made me smile.
    Thank you

  6. AMEN Sister.God has been moving me through this as we have just moved in to town and away from my secluded home where you could not even see another living soul if you wanted to. O how is miss it. I have been wondering, what is the point of my children doing 10 school papers a day, and doing so much hand writing that their hears look like they are going to burst? And all of my new neighbors told me that they would never have me over to their house because mine is to clean… My only joy in living in the city is being able to witness more…So I am trying to let go. I am not very good at it and even if you ask Luke to describe me he say…UP TIGHT!!! nice. So I do only have 2 kids so life is MUCH easier, but I need to focus on what is important. We are always pressing closer the Lord so we are never finished and full of flaws. Wish I could come have tea with ya.

    • I’m honestly not sure it’s really that much harder here in my camp with 4 kiddo’s. The hard part is my youngest two! Today I’ve got only the little ones and I feel like I’m busier, cleaning up more messes and ultimately MORE tired with just 2 than I usually am with all 4! 🙂

      I’m learning to let go of my agenda because at the end of the day if all I get accomplished is more cleaning and some school I haven’t anything new or lasting to celebrate. Still, I like to control my surroundings. Sigh. Excuse me while I swat a fly and go break up a toddler fight. GRRRR!

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