Tag Archives: humor

Save a horse, ride a hound dog.

Please join me at my new web home JessieGunderson.com and don’t forget to like the Blog Schmog Facebook community HERE.

I had hoped to report to you that wrestling a Coonhound that is twice your size does- in fact- induce labor but it has been nearly 16 hrs since the event and I’m still with child. Or at least I was when I wrote this post. None-the-less, you might enjoy my adventure.

Why, might I ask, do these things ALWAYS happen when I’m very pregnant?

Here she is, “hiding” before her home surgery. Poor girl, really thinks I can’t see her. Insert the dopiest voice you can conjure up, “If I don’t look du’ humans in the eye they’ll never find me.”

I spotted her limping and discovered a small bone or quill stuck out from the pad of one of her toes. I grabbed a pair of tweezers and two strapping–er’ I mean scrawny little boys–to help me. I had Scarfunkle and Captain Obvious each hold a leg while I sat on the third leg (10 mo pregnant, mind you) and grasped the offending foot.

One little tweeze and that big ol’ hound was bucking and twisting. She sent Captain flying one direction and Scarfunkle plopped down the other, while I hung on for dear life. “Just…let…me…HOLD STILL WILLAMINA!” Then, just like those strange water wiggler toys grandma had at her house when I was a kid, that loose skinned hound slipped out from under me and I too took a ride. The three of us lay on the floor and Willamina hurried back to her “hiding” place. After several attempts we realized weren’t going to be able to do a darn thing so I sent her back out to wait for Matt. I hoped the snow would numb it some and keep any swelling down.

Of course I forgot all about it until we’d loaded the kids in the car to head to evening church. Matt went to put the dogs in their kennel and suddenly my memory jarred. Oops! Upon inspection we knew it couldn’t wait. The swelling had begun and the foreign object was now flush with the pad of her foot.

Hubby got the needle nose pliers. I got the scissors and tweezers. Scarfunkle grabbed a bag of ice and Captain Obvious tried to subdue the other restless Thinglets buckled in their car seats.

Surgery began and oh boy did she protest.

We sent Scarfunkle out to the car with a message, “Pray boys, pray!”

Let me tell you, there ain’t no more offensive odor than a stressed out hound dog! She excreted her stench and whimpered when Matt sat on her head. One hundred sixty + lbs of dog is something to be reckoned with especially one as wimpy as she is! She wanted nothing to do with our toe saving adventure and she let us know it. I sat on the rear half of her while Matt restrained the front half and I went to work.

Ten minutes on ice gave me just barely enough numb to cut around the thorn or bone or whatever it was. The prayers of three little boys were answered when in one tug I was able to get the darn thing out. It was a good inch long and stuck straight in. Poor girl!

Poor us!

We needed a bath. No time for that. I feel sorry for the people who sat next to us in church. Even a change of clothes and three or four hand washings couldn’t eliminate the stench she let off. Gotta love a hound dog!

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4 Comments

Filed under Farm Friends, Random, Reality, Ruse, True Tales

My daughter’s in a chicken suit!

Gotta love a two year old who wants to dress herself.

Today she chose a very unconventional coat–a chicken suit. But there wasn’t any convincing her otherwise.

Daddy said it’s all good, it goes well with our tarp “barn”.

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Filed under Farm Friends, Motherhood Uncensored, Thru the Lens

Last trimester and labor with a little bit of TMI

Please join me at my new web home JessieGunderson.com and don’t forget to like the Blog Schmog Facebook community HERE.

I feel like I’m on the big upward climb of a daunting rollercoaster. Click, click, click…. When will I reach the top? I’m afraid but elated. How long will it last? My heart beats a crazy rhythm. Oooo boy, here we goooooooooo!

I’ve written a series of posts with ramblings on pregnancy, birthing, chiropractic that works for turning babies in utero and more…. It is on my mind a lot lately. 🙂 Read the 2nd Post Choices in Fertility HERE

Thanks to Captain Obvious for taking my picture.

Last Trimester and Labor-

I caused quite a stir on facebook the other day with this…

TMI! TMI! TMI! So sorry Honey. I was begging for sympathy so I told my husband that trying to get around 8mo pregnant (after 4 other pregnancies) is like walking with a sack of flour tied to his “eh-hem”. I’m so mean!

I’m still chuckling about that one. Later I apologized and waddled off but I do think he got the picture. 🙂 He hasn’t asked why I’m grumpy since.

I hate gravity right about now.

When people ask me if I’m scared to deliver, a rollercoaster is the best way I can describe it. After having my first son in the hospital, I chose to deliver the next two, unassisted at birthing centers and the next (my only girl) at home. If all goes as planned, this little dude will enter the world, safe and sound, also at home.

Does it scare me? No. Yes.

Labor is always a bit scary but so is downhill skiing, rock climbing, rollercoaster riding. With all of these you could die or you could live with massive injuries or you could have great fun doing something that gives you an incredible rush and sense of power and life!

Life! A brand new life. It’s totally worth it. I felt robbed after my first delivery. I didn’t experience the pleasure and responsibility of allowing my body to usher my son into the world. But I know that things happen and I can’t always have my way. He is no less a blessing or miracle! Since I know the difference now, I’m sure hoping to chose the natural way once again.

I had a conversation with a good friend who is an anesthesiologist about preparing for labor and educating yourself (not relying on information fed to you) on the natural birth process. We agreed mothers should know, whether or not they choose to deliver unassisted.

He said, “If more mothers educated themselves, I’d be out of a job.”

So here I go again, having my baby in the comfort and peace of my home in my six-foot claw foot tub. I love water birth!

YIKES! I must be nuts.

Want details, just ask. I’m not shy about sharing my experiences.

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Filed under Just Me, Motherhood Uncensored

Why me? Toddler fun, mother woes.

Please join me at my new web home JessieGunderson.com and don’t forget to like the Blog Schmog Facebook community HERE.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the most inattentive mother in the world. Or maybe it has something to do with the umpteen million plates I insist on keeping in the air.

Besides the obvious like mother, homeschooler, Bible study leader… I consider myself a writer, tackle small time farming, bake gluten free foods from scratch, garden, craft and try a slew of other hobbies. Somebody STOP me. Actually at the moment I do little more than lounge (if you can call it that when my belly makes it near impossible to lay comfortably), school my children and try to patiently grow this baby with a decent attitude. 🙂

But I frequently find things like this…

…and I wonder how I’ll ever survive or how I’ve already survived the first two toddlers. Yes, that’s my kitchen chair with a nice new coat of permanent marker. And where did I find the little artist?

Happily washing her hands, as if she can get away with it. What a gal!

Hi MOM! I washing hands.

She even had marker on her face.

So… if you come to visit you’ll probably be sitting in a newly decorated chair because I haven’t taken the time to clean it. As soon as I try, she’ll find three other things to “explore” and I’ll be off running again. It’s a wonder I never go into labor early. Maybe my babies know they have a limited time to themselves and they milk it (ha) for all its worth. Cause once they are born, boy it’s ON!

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Filed under Motherhood Uncensored

Cooped up with the chickens.

Captain Obvious had a chicken farming mishap the other day.  He somehow got in the coop but couldn’t get out. I wondered what was taking him so long. I don’t know how long he stood like this before I looked out the kitchen window! “Oops, what’s he doing looking all forlorn?”

Dad to the rescue! And next time, take a shovel. 🙂

poor guy…

really mom?

well, at least he got the eggs

Smile Captain you survived…

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Filed under Farm Friends, Thru the Lens

Funnies…

Today is Blog Schmog Funnies because I don’t have the energy or time for brilliance. Or maybe because my kiddo’s are so dog gone fun!

♥ Peewee is scrubbing everything she can reach in the kitchen with a wet dish towel singing, “Ju-ah (her name for Loud) has tinky (stinky) butt, Ju-ah has tinky butt….”

♥ A friend of mine brought us dinner one night and as we were eating her soup Loud said, “That girl who brought us dinner is a good girl! But, I don’t like those things shaped like rainbows.”

I guess he doesn’t like celery. 🙂 That might be my fault but shhh.

♥ Loud Kiddington – “I don’t like that kid at kids church.”

Me – “That’s not nice son,” but he is crying so I persist, “why do you say that?”

Loud – “He pinches my cheeks and says I’m cute!”

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Filed under From the Mouth of Babes, Motherhood Uncensored

Pregnancy, my two youngest boys’ perspectives

Oh the things my kids come up with.

I get a good hearty laugh at least every day. Loud is a great story teller and I’m still working on him to complete such tall tales with the phrase “And that’s just a story.”

I was slouching on the couch, letting it all hang out (just meaning I wasn’t holding in my pregnant tummy) and 3yr old Loud pointed to my bump, “Mom is that where you keep your baby?”

“Yes, it sure is.”

He then appeared to inspect it and other areas of my shirt before pointing to my chest, which pre-baby is usually quite flat. Guess you could call it a perk of pregnancy because I’ve already grown a cup size. Thank goodness I’m out of training bras now. Any hooooo, back to Loud. 

“Mom.” He raised his eyebrows, “You’ve got two babies.”

“No she doesn’t.” Scarfunkle sat up straight on the couch.

“No I DON’T!” I got a little worried but then saw where he was pointing. A baby for each bump huh?

Scarfunkle decided it was his turn to interrogate me. ” Mom, why do I always want to ask where the baby comes out?”

Oh dear! I remained calm and tried to recall my pre planned response for the dreaded question. A wise mom once helped me map out some of the worst possible kid questions.

“Well, Scarfunkle, the baby comes out the birth canal.” I sat as nonchalant as possible, secretly crossing my fingers.

“Yeah but nowhere seems big enough.”

“You are right,” I sighed, “nowhere does seem big enough, its hard work but that’s how God made it.”

Would you believe it? He didn’t press me for more and though Loud is convinced he is getting a girl AND a boy baby there was no harm done. 🙂

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Filed under From the Mouth of Babes, Motherhood Uncensored